Outside...

"We are not infinite
We are not permanent
Nothing is immediate
We're so confident in our accomplishments
Look at how dark it is...
We got information in the information age
But do we know what life is
outside of our convenient lexus cages?"

I don't know why I always have these ridiculous expectations. Do I honestly think people can live up to them? Do I really think one day I'll wake up and life will magically have arranged itself into utter perfection? So then why do I keep waiting for it?

It's like I think I can keep myself from ever being hurt again.  Sure, I will be angry, and I will be cynical, and I will be harsh, but I will not allow myself to admit that the pain of something has overcome me.  How can pride even usurp feeling?  For each action there is an equal and opposite reaction... so if I will not allow hurt in, that does not leave me with the capacity for the love God intended me to spread.  I have determined not to be vulnerable, to anything or anyone.  Sam McDuffee will tell you that vulnerability is the quickest way to get to know someone... so just as I am not vulnerable, cannot hurt and cannot love, I will not be known.  

And there is no way I can climb out of this black hole myself... I am left at the incredible mercy of God, to wait and be completely dependent on His grace.

And that's how He intended it to be.  

For each action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  So for each time like this, characterized by a hardened shell of pain, there will be a time where I am drawn to Him and taught how to live more fully in His love.

It's always darkest right before dawn.

God

Bless

Kenzer

Lou