I'm confused.  How am I to know what I feel?

And I'm frustrated, with being confused!

Why can't things just be clear???

Well if they were, then we wouldn't need God.

And I need God.

I just don't like this feeling.  I guess I feel unbalanced.  

I need to stop relying on others to give me my sense of equilibrium!  I refused to be vulnerable because I was afraid I would pour all of my heart into someone and then they would make off with it.  Well, surprise!  I decided to be vulnerable.

And got hurt.

But I'm still not doing this right...

I know I'm not!  I'm still wrong!!!  

I'm not that hurt...I think.  Is that denial, or refusing to be vulnerable, or is thinking that I should hurt more just me being...RRGH.  I told you I didn't like this.  

I need independence from the opinions of others, from the feeling that they actually care.  Because they don't.  It's a self-inhibiting narcissism, isn't it?  

I don't like all the restrictions I'm faced with.  I feel like blaming it on society and their stupid rules, but really I just need to learn- sometimes life has rules.  

But is this one of them?  

I'm not making sense-- to whoever's reading this, at least.

And again, there's the thought that someone out there is sparing a moment to read this.

If you are, thank you.  I appreciate your...reading.  

Good

night?

God 

Bless

Kenzer 

Lou